Tech and Music.
A large corporation recently hired several cannibals. “You are all part of our team now,” said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. You get all of the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don’t eat any of the other employees.” The cannibals promised they would not.
Four weeks later their boss remarked, “You’re all working very hard and I’m satisfied with your work. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?” The cannibals all shook their heads “No.”
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, “Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?” A hand rose hesitantly.
“You fool!” the leader continued. “For four weeks we’ve been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!!!”
via Hiring Cannibals.
GERMAN RESEARCHERS have discovered what is believed to be the world’s oldest musical instrument – a 35,000-year-old primitive flute fashioned from a vulture’s wing-bone.
Some 20cm long with five finger holes, the instrument was found in the same cavern in southwestern Germany where archaeologists found a 35,000-year-old Venus figurine, believed to be the oldest sculpture of the human form.
“It’s becoming increasingly clear that music was part of day-to-day life,” said Prof Nicholas Conard, the archaeologist who led the dig team from Tübingen University.
“Music was used in many kinds of social contexts: perhaps religious, possibly recreational, much like how we use music today in different settings.”
Three other flutes were found in the dig, made from mammoth ivory. “It’s really quite a surprise that these flutes were not just made from bird bones, which are hollow and ideal for making flutes, but also from mammoth ivory, a material that’s very hard to work,” he said.
The instruments are not just proof of the age of man’s musical legacy, he said, but an indication that, even 35,000 years ago, our forefathers had leisure time for hand crafts. Humans of the time were no longer merely hunters and gatherers, but artists too.
No one has tried to play the ancient flute – archaeologists assume the player blew through two V-shaped incisions in one end – but Conard said on German radio yesterday that a curious colleague had made a replica from vulture bone. “It sounded awful, really awful,” he said.
Presenting their findings in the journal Nature, the Tübingen team suggested this early emergence of art could be a clue as to why early modern humans survived while the Neanderthals eventually died out.
“Music may have contributed to the maintenance of larger social networks,” the researchers said.
“This perhaps helped facilitate the demographic and territorial expansion of modern humans relative to a culturally more conservative and demographically more isolated Neanderthal populations.”
There is little dispute that the instruments found by Conard are the world’s oldest, a title held until now by a group of 22 flutes found in the French Pyrenees and estimated to be 30,000 years old.
The flutes were found in a cave near Ulm in Germany’s Swabia region, where Conard’s team have found dozens of priceless artifacts. Conard said it was “plausible” that the flutes were carved by the same people as the recently presented “Venus” figurine.
via Flute found in cave believed to be oldest musical instrument – The Irish Times – Fri, Jun 26, 2009.
As we mourn the loss of spectacular dancer, frenetic and staccato singer, and professional weirdo Michael Jackson, the gadget world reminisces about a patent Jackson filed in 1993. Remember that supernatural, gravity-defying 45-degree lean Jackson performed with his troupe of dancers on “Smooth Criminal”? Jackson used wires and harnesses in the 1988 music video, but that wasn’t possible when he performed the trick live in 1992.
He did it with special shoes that quickly slid into pegs that rise out of the floor at just the right moment. Also helping the effect were rigid anklets that worked like ski boots, supporting Jackson and his entourage of dancers as they leaned forward at that magic angle. Notice the guy on the right having a bit of trouble extricating himself from the paraphernalia in this live concert video:
via Michael Jackson patented a gadget to perform dance magic | DVICE.
It has been announced that Billy Mays, the boisterous PR salesman of TVs’ famous infomercial products like Oxiclean, has died. Mays, age 50, was found by his wife this morning in their Florida home. It appears that Mays died in his sleep.
Mays experienced a rather horrific event yesterday during a rough touchdown during an air flight. The plane suffered a blown tire on the front nose gear during landing, but afterwards Mays appeared to be ok. No cause for his death has been released at this time. Foul play is not suspected, but an autopsy is scheduled for Monoday.
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It’s always darkest before dawn, so if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
5. No one is listening until you fart.
6. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example.
9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
10. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile way and you have their shoes.
12. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
13. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
14. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
15. Don’t squat with your spurs on.
16. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
17. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
18. Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
19. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
20. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket.
21. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.v
22. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
23. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side and it holds the universe together.
24. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
25. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
26. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
27. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
28. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
via Humour.
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